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6 35 No. 481. 

Pickled Polliwog. 



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A Pickled Polliwog. 

A PA 1? CE 

IN ONE ACT, 
— IS Y — 

0. E. Young, 

TO WHICH IS A!>l>t£U 

A DESCK I PTION I >K THE COSTUMES-OAST OF THE I !H A R A0- 
%TEKs KNTItANGKS AND EXITS— RELATIVE l > ()SITIONS 
OF THK I'ELtEOUMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THJfi 
WHOLE OE THE STAGE BUSINESS. 



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Entered according t« act of Congress in th« year 1909 by 

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in the urtice of ihe Librarian of Congress ai Washington. 



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• 



A PICKLED P0LL1W0G. ^ t? 
CAST OF CHARACTERS. 






Dicacon David l>r< ki.tty An old farmer ef ths "hayseed" typt. 

Simon Pktkh Pom.iwog 

A Yankee beau, in love with the Deacon's daughter. 

Sammik l)r< kktty, The Deacon's son, a precocionx smai.1 boy. 

S a ka h .1 f N k The. Deacon\\ wife. 

Doi.i.v Ann. His daughter, the object of Simon Peter's affectum*. 

x 

TIME OF PLAYING— 1 hour and IS minutes 

x— — 

PROPERTIES. 

Old fashioned lounge with gay calico cover, sink with shelf beneath 
and a space next to floor large enough for a person to era ! under, 
oldfashioned tall grandfather's clock, cook-stove, waterpail and 
dipper, lamp, flatirons, arnica-bottle, old garments for mending, 
basket of white clothes for ironing, shawl and hat with a, long hat- 
pin, bootjack, table, broom, goad-stick, looking-glass, old-style 
blunderbuss for the Deacon. 

x 

COSTUMES. 

Deacon. —Short and stout, iron gray wig, cut off square around 
the ueck, grizzled full beard, face and hands deeply sunburned. 
Wears a grav suit, patched and faded, blue overalls tucket! into the 
leys of rubber boots, blue woolen stockings with white toes, and a red 
flaifnel shirt. On first entrance he wears a rough, dark overcoat 
with the collar turned up, a fur cap, thick mittens, and a red woolen 
muffler about his throat. 

Simon i'l/rKit. — Tall, lanky and awkward; thin, rather long sandy 
hair, oiled and plastered down snug to his head and a small blond 
mustache. Wears a white shirt with high standing collar and led 
tie, a black brocaded velvet waistcoat with large flowered design, a 
blue swallowtail coat with brass buttons, too small and very short- 
in the sleeves, tight trousers with wide stripes of alternate white and 
gray, much too short in the leg, calfskin boots ami red woolen stock- 
ings,' and on entering, a dark blue cloth cap pulled over his ears. 

Sammik. — As young as possible— red haired, shock headed and 
very freckled. Wears a patched jacket, badly outgrown, pants \\ ith 
black patches on seat and knees, and the legs barely covering the 
calves, woolen stockings with wide stripes of alternate red ami white, 
tredden-over shoes. On first entrance he wears an old black felt hat 
on the back of his head, sloping straight down from crown to brim, 
ear-flaps sewed to ihe sides with dangling black strings attached. 

Sauah ,1ank. — Tall, spare and wears glasses; brown hair, parted 
in the middle and combed smoothly back, covering the ears, and 
gathered into a "pug" at the back o;f the neck: a neat calico wrapper, 
checked gingham apron and a* white collar fastened with a large 
cameo breast pi n. .* 

Dom.Y —Short and plump, blonde hair becomingly arranged, a 
neat brown house dress reaching to the ankles, a coquettish while 
apron, while lace at throat and wrists, a knot of blue ribbon at her 
neck and a wide one of the same shade around her waist. 



©CI.D 17419 



.A. Pickled iPolliwog. 



SCENE — Deacon Duckkttt's kitchen— doors r., l. mnd in flat, c.; old- 
fashioned lounge h. c. ; long sink it. c, with water-pail and dipper on 
end next to c D.; old fashioned tall clock in k. corner; cook stove in 
L» corner with mantel behind it on which are flatirons, arnica bottle, 
etc.. table in front of stove, with lighted lamp upon it; hat, shawl and. 
boot-jack hanging on wall behind store; flat clothes basket muter .sink, 
and chairs ad libitum Sauah Jank and Dolly discovered seated at 
table mending, as curtain rises. 

Sarah. Sim on Peter Poll i wear's gittin' pooty sweet on ve, ain't he 
Dolly"? 

Dolly, {bending lower over ict,rk) Goodness sakes, no, ma! What 
makes ve think so? Mr. Polliwog and 1 ;i re jest good friends that's 
all. 

Sarah. Wood friends! Humph! 1 kept my eye on him .-it the 
picnic ('other day, and he got t liree twists in t hat long neck o' his'n 
t ry in* not to loose sight of ye. He's got it p.tol\ bad, if I'm anv 
jedge of poultices. 

Dolly, {indignantly) Simon Pet er ain't a poultice. He's so bash- 
ful, 1 know he acts kind o' soft sometimes, bin he's not a mustard 
poultice. 

Sarah. \ dryly) Yes, that's what I meant— a mustard poultice. 
Don't y« feel kind o' drawn lew him? 

Dolly, (bending lower) Course not, ma; I'm neither a bile nor a 
frllon. even if Simon Peter's a poultice. 

Sarah. All right; then we won't have him naught' round here 
wastin' wood an' ile. I'll have the Deacon bounce him the next 
time he comes. 

/tolly, {anxiously) Oh. ma! f — 1 wouldn't. 1—1 guess 1 must 
sort o' like him— (hastily) jest a little bit, 'round the edges. 

Sarah. But do ye love him, that's what I want ter know. This 
thing's got ter come to a head pretty soon, or we'll try suthin' besides 
a Polliwog poult ice. * 

Dolly, (hesitating and stammering) 1 — I diintio, ma; I feel drefful 
funny sometimes— but you know I've been exposed to the measles. 

Sarah. Shucks! There ain't no great resemblance between the 
symptoms of measles an' matrimony, an' you've got ter make up 
your mind which you're com in' down with. 1° want ter know 
whether to send for a doctor or a minister. For the last time, do v* 
love him " 



4 



A PI CKL ED 1 J 0L LI WOG. 



Dolly, {desperately) I —1 guess so, ma; I — I feel all kind o' foolish, 
somehow. \ynjgles wildly and hides face in her work 

Sarah, (with sal infliction) All right then — if he'll only come to 
the p'int. Simon Peter's a good likely feller, an' his father's worth 
property: so I duuuo but it might as well be him as anybody— if he 
only means business. If he don't, 1 kill speak to the Deacon at any 
time. 

Dolly, [anxiously) Don't let pa interfere, ma: I think every thing'll 
be all right. 

Enter Sammie Duckettt, c. k., unseen by Dolly and Sakah. 

I feel sartin Simon Peter'll pop like a tirecracker, if I only say match 
to him. 1 shall be turnin' into a Polliwog the first thing yon know, 
naa. (giggles 

Sammie. (aside) She's got a month more like a fullgrown frog 

Sarah. Well, I'll let ye manage things aleetle longer, but remem- 
ber! Simon Peter's got ter step right up to the dough-dish ersuthin's 
goin* ter be done. Is there any light in my room, Dolly? 

Dolly. Yes, ma, I carried one in just before supper. 

Sarah. Then I'll go in there an' write a letter Don't forgit ter 
hurry up yer courtin' business, now. (exit l. k. 

Dolly, \arranging hair and collar at glass) L didn't dare to tell her 
I was expectin' Simon Peter in to-night. If she and pa'll only go 
to bed early, mebbe I can git it all fixed up. There! I reckon I look 
all right now. 

Sammie. (come* down) There you air. makin' faces in the glass, 
agin, (ioin' ter have a beau to-night, ain't ye, Doll? 

Dolly, [starts, turns hastily) Land sakes, Sammie Ducketty! How 
ye startled me! My heart's bobbin' all around my throat. 

Sammie. (aside) Dress so tight they squoze it up, 1 s'pose. 

Dolly. Say. Sammie, how do I look? 

Sammie. Look? As if you'se got up for a joke. Simon Peter's 
comb in' over courtin' ter-night, ain't he, Doll? 

Dolly, (turns hastily away) Course not, you silly boy. If Mr. 
Polliwog does happen to drop in, it u ill be nothin' but a friendly call. 

Sammie. Pretty darn friendly, i reckon. The last time he was 
here 1 peeked in the winder an' see him measurin' his arm on your 
belt-iibbin. Is he goin' ter pop ter-night? 

Dolly, [confused) Why — no indeed! What makes you ask sech 
foolish questions? 

Sammie. I bet he is. I beared ye tell ma ye thought ye could 
make him pop. I'm goin' ter hide in the room somewhere an' hear 
him pop. 

Dally. No, you shan't neither. Hold your tongue an' go to bed, 
or I'll hide you in a way you won't like. 

[dives at Sammie, who dodges around table 

Sammie. Oh, Doll, do let me! I'll never let on — so Simon Peter 
won't know he's popped to two of us. ■ 

Dolly, (seizes him) You awful boy! (cuffs him) Now go to bed. 

Sammie. (breaks loose and runs l.) Stop whackin' my whisker- 
patch! (feels face) If I was only padded as much as you are, ye might 
man! me till yer old fist got sore. 

Dolly, (rushes at him again) I'll teach ye to tell tales out o' school. 
{cuffs him) Now hold yer tongue and go to bed. (flings him off 



A PICKLED POLLTWOG. 5 

fammif. (rung r.) I'll pay ye for that, you mean old thing, you! 
hammering my hair-orchard that way fer nothin'! (feels face again 

Doily, (ponds off k.) Gil.! 

Sammie. Yes, I'm goin', hut if that Polliwog o' yourn comes flop 
pin' 'round this way ter-night, he'll git hisself inter what he calls 
the biggest kind of a pickle. He'll wish he was a fullgrow n bullfrog 
an' the old gander had him afore he gits away. 

Dolly. Do you want yer ears boxed agaiu, ye little sarpint? 

(Harts for him 

Sdmmie. (hastily) Ye needn't bother — I'm goin'. Keep yer old 
beau near you, though, or I'll have revenge for my bruised and 
blighted whisker-crop, (feels face, Dolly darts at him) I'm goin', 
1 say ! (hastily opens door 

Dolly. Be off, I tell ye! (runs him of u- e. 

Enter Duacon Ducketty, c. e.. muffled in fur cap, mittens, scarf, etc. 

Deacon I'll break that air Sime Pete Polliwog in tew an' throw 
awav both ends o' him— by gum, I will! Old plugs, indeed! icalls) 
Sary! Sary Jane! Sary .lane Ducketty! come here, quick' I'm so 
mad I shall bust or bile over. Old plugs! (throws down, mittens and 
myffler, angrily, calls) Sary June! Oh, I shall combusticate, I know 
I shall! (throws cap) Why, where on airth is the woman? (yells) 
Sary .lane! 

Enter Sarah Jane, l. e. 

Sarah. Why Deacon Ducket ty ! what is the matter? Be ye tryin' 
ter holler the roof off. or what ails ye? Ye look turribly roused up; 
shan't I give ye a dose o' salts? 

Deacon, (furiously) Give a man salts when he's jest been sassed 
till he can't see oui o' his eyes! Ohl plugs, indeed' 

Sarah. Land sakes! who's been sassin' ye. Deacon? 

Deacon. If I had him here now. I'd fix him all ready ter stuff 
Bassessengers with— by gum I would! 

(stamps up and down and strikes fists together 

Sarah. The idea! What a way that is ter talk about a feller- 
creatures vitals! Ca'm yourself. Deacon! ca'm yourself! 

Dearon. (impetuously) Ca'm myself— wlieu I've been through 
enough to start the temper of a meataxe! Ca'm myself- when the 
names I've been called would raise the hair on a yeller tomcat's back! 

Sarah. Land o' liberty ! 

Deacon. Not much I won't ca'm myself! I'll chaw him inter 
shoestrings if it costs me a dollar an' forty cents for breakin' the 
pieces. (smites fist* 

Sarah. The idee o' a Deacon an' a father threatenin' ter use a 
fellerbein' like that -whithout stoppin' ter see if he's washed his 
face an' hands or not! David Ducketty, I'm 'shamed o' ve. 

Deacon. See here, Sary Jane, jest let me be judge o' what is meek 
an' fittin' for a deacon an 1 a father. There's some things that flesh 
an' blood can't stan', an' this is one of 'em. Ain't Si me Pete Polli- 
wog sweet on our Doll? 

Sarah. Yes, he is; dead gone on her. I reckon they'll make a 
Match on it. 

Deacon, (mm rage) He shan't have her! See here, old lady! I've 



6 A PICKLED POLLIWOQ. 

gol ;i little gram o' sense, if I did marry you. 1 say they shan't 
m;i ke a match on it. 

Sarah. Land sakes! why not? Ohl man Polliwog's worth 
property. 

Deacon, {obstinately) I don't keer. Sime Pete's the very feller 
called ns them names. 

Sarah, (surpi'ised) Ye don't say so' \\ 'hy, be seems ter think. 
everything o' our Doll. It don't seem poss.ibljehe>i:beeu sassin* her 
pa an' ma the way ye say. Be ye sure ye ain't mistaken v 

Deacon, (positively) 1 ain't mistaken. Ye Know I jest went over 
t«r the store a minute after supper'' 

Sarah, (sarcastically) 'Fraid I might want an armful o' wood or 
a pail o' water, I s'pose. Yes, I know it. 

Deacon. Hm! (disconcerted) Now don't go ler gittin' yer hack 
up, Sa ry Jane I'd jest got up on the piazzy when Sime Pete an' 
Jim Skinner come ei'long, 

Sarah. What possessed 'em ter sass ye, Deacon? 

Deacon, h was pooty dark where 1 was, air they never seen me. 
Jest as they got opposite, I heared Jim say, "I s'pose ye've made up 
yer mind ler lake Dolly Tor good, ain't ye'.' 

Sarah. Massy on ns! An' what did Simon Peter say '.' 

Deacon. "Dolly's a pool y slick-look in' kind of a critter,"' sa id lie, 
"Bui I darsn't lake her. Her father 'an mother are both reg'lar old 
plugs, an' 1 s'pose she will be as soon as she's a little older. " 

Sarah. (a/igrdy) The. idee o' his callin' yon an' me old pings! 
The two-faced scampi 1 don't blame ye for wantin' ter smash him. 
Wha i did ye do then ? 

Deacon. Why, nothin'. 1 didn't, fairly come ter my senses till 
them two fellers was onto' hearin', so I come right straight home. 

Sarah. An' 1 was t ry in' ter help things along between Sime Pete 
an' Dolly only this blessed evenin'; mebbe al the verj minute he was 
callin' me an old |)lug! He oughter have a plug put- in that mouth 
o" his'n. an' a monstrous big one il would take to stop it, to. {goes 
to R. to. and calls) Dolly! Doll! Come down a minute. 

Deacon, (catling) Yes, come down an' hear what yer best Polii- 
wog is tellin' about yer pa an' ma. {calls louder) Dolly, Doll. I say! 
I'm a plug an' yer ma's a plugger. (screams) Dolly! Why, the gal 
must be under the bed with tier ears in her pocket, (roars) Dolly! 

H liter Dolly k. k., crosses to c. lohih speaking. 

Dolly. Sakes alive! what's the rumpus'.' Ma. be you crazy? 
How ye beller! The neighbor's '11 think there's a parlyment of 
lunatics round somewhere. 

(Sammik pais head cautiously in u. e. -he is on his hands mid knee*. 

Sarah, (angrily) Dolly Ann Ducketty, if ye ever have anything 
more ter say ter Sime Pete PollLwog, I'll skin one tadpole afore 1 die, 
and don't yer forgit it. 

Deacon, (enraged) Dolly Ann Ducketty, if ye have anything more 
ter say ler Sime Pete Poliiwog, I'll make his head rattle like a bag 
o' noggins' an' don't ye forgit it. 

Sammie. (aside) Lodks as if the poor Poliiwog had got inter hot 
wale i 1 . 

Dolly. Why, what's the matter with Simon Peterall al once? (to 
Sauah) You said he was a nice, likely fellow only a little w hile ago, 



A PICKLED POLLtWOG. 7 

ma. 

Sarah, (in a rage) He's a half-baked doughhead chuck full o' 
lass I hat 's what he is. 

Sammie. {aside) If they'd finished baking him, wouldn't he have 
Veen a pie! 

Deacon, (contempt umisly) He's a livin' pair o' longs, that's what 
he is. His legs run clean up amongst his shoulderblades. 

Sammie. (aside) He'd be twins if it wasn't for his paper collar. 

Deacon. Don't ye so much as look at him after this. 

Sammie. (asuie) 'Fraid the sight'll (urn her stummick. 

Dolly. But— but why not, PaV What has poor Simon Peter done? 

Sarah. He called yer pa an' me names, the sassy scamp! 

Sammie. {aside) Jest as mad as if they didn't have an) names! 

Doily, (icith spirit) I don't believe it. He's too much of a gentle- 
man. 

Deacon. He did. 1 beared him with my own ears. 

Sammie. (aside) Didn't know but he homed a pair. 

Dolly. 1 don't care, t here must be some mistake. Simon Peter 
thinks too much o' me ter call my pa an' ma names. 

Sarah. He did, an' th* Deacon beared him. Don'l ye ever speak 
ter him ag'iu. 

Dolly. 1 shall too. I'm goiu' ter promise ter marry him jest as 
soon its he asks me, an' I think that'll be pooty soon, tew so now! 

Summit, (aside) She must We going fishing for Polliwogs. 

Deacon, (furiously) Ye slian't do it! Ye shan't do it! 

Sarah, (passionately) Ye. shan't! ye shan't! I say ye shan't! 

Enter Simon Peter Polliwog, c. e. 

Simon. Good-eveniu', folkses whatye dewin'? Haviu' a caucus? 

Sarah, {lifts hands in astonishment ) Simon Peter Poll iwog in my 
house! Of all things! 

DeitcoH. Yes, we are haviu.' a caucus. We've caucussed you right 
up hill an' down. 

Sammie. (aside— rubbing hands together gleefully) Ob glory! It's 
Simon Peter, and pa an' ma are both loaded to the muzzle for Polli- 
wog. There'll be fun alive 'round this 'ere ranch afore the next 
half hour's over. 

Dolly, (terrified, wringing hands) Oh, Simon Peter, what made ye 
come ter night? Pa an' ma have made some dreadful mistake, an' 
I'm 'fraid they'll do some) bin' they'll be sorry for. 

Sammie. (aside, in ecstacy) Pa' II dew suthin' Simon Peter'll be 
sorry for if he lams him once, (rubbing /lands) Jiminy Christmas, 
I hope he w ill! 

Simon, (to Dolly, snatching herhand) Youdarlin'! Then ye dew 
keer suthin 'bout my feelin's after all? 

Deacon, (shakes fist at hum How dare ye make love ter my darter, 
right afore my face an' eyes' Oil out o' my house! 

r.uices te-ith fists' doubled 

Sarah. How dare ye make love ter our Doily right under our very 
noses V Git, out o' i ins or it'll be the worst fer ye. (advances on him 

Sammie. (gleefully, aside) They're goiu' fer him! I wouldn'l be 
In the Polliwog's phic« fer anything, 'cause he's goiu' ler be in lots 
o' places ;i I n lime in jest w minute. 

Simon, (backing off) Hold on! Keep olf! Oh Lordy! tins is a 



S A PICKLED POLLIWOQ. 

pickle an' no mistake. 

Deacon. (!eme! git out «»' here al'ore 1 lambaste ye once. 

{threatens him 

Simon. Molil on, 1 say! Give a teller time ter explain. I hain't 
said nothin' 'bout you people. 

Sarah. Oh, you scamp! Til douse ye fer telliu' thai story. 

(snatches up dipper and gets neater from pail 

Sammie. (aside, chuckling, wagging head laud clapping hand *) Go it. 
ma! Smii^p him good! A feller as much in love as he is, needs 
cool in' off. 

Sarah. Look out, Deacon, I'm goiu' ler sozzle him. 

(throws water at Simon, who dodges, and the water hits Sammik 

Summit, (aside) O-oo-ooh! (blo<c* /eater out of mouth ana shakes 
himself) Halleluyer! ain't that oold! She ducked the wrong duck 
that time. (draws back out of tight 

Deac«n. Wall, by gum, Sary Jane, ye did throw by thai nose, 
didn't ye'.' He won't dodge me quite so easy, (to Simon) litre, 
you Polly-frog! Stick that nose o' yourn out doors an' toller it home, 
©r I'll stick a tew inches of it in the lust snowdrift 1 can find. 

(advances again 

Simon, (backing off, but offering to defend himself), 1 ain't done 
nothin'. an' I won't go till yrgive me a chance to explain. (SamMIW 
pokes head in at K. k. again) Don't ye darst ter lay a linger on me. 
for when I git in a pickle o' this sort, I'm a desprit man. 

Deacon. Oh, ye won't go, will ye? Wait till I git my ox-goad an' 
I'll giv' ye all the fight ye want. (exit c. e. 

Sarah. There's goin' ter be murder committed, an' me without a 
thing ter defend myself. Where's my broom? (exit l. k. 

Suni'iuie. (aside) O-ooh ! (shivers) Wish the rest would clear out 
so I could »it to the fire. Seems as though I should friz up an' crack 
open. (blotrs on fingers 

Dolly. Quick, Simon Peter! Don't stop to argue with 'em now; 
they're too mad to listen to ye. Run for yer life, and leave me t« 
pacify pa and ma. 

Si»t»n. (desperately) I can't. Dolly, there's suthin' I must say ter 
ye afore I cau go home. ' I know I'm in a dreffle pickle, but I shall 
certinl\ >pi!e if 1 don't lell \ e what's on m \ mind this evenin'. 

Dolly. I'll have to set up till the folks have gone to bed, then you 
can coui'' back an' tell me all ye want to. I'll set the lamp in the 
window when it's all safe. (hustles him c. 

Simon. I'll do it, but if the old folks catch me here a.gin, it'll be 
a worse pickle than ever. 

Sam/nie. Guess it will, an almighty m*'ss •>' pickles. 

Dolly, (anxiously) Quick! or you're a gone Polliwog. Oh, you're 
too late! ( wrin gs h n d* ) Here they come. 

Enter Dkacon, c. k. with ox-goad and Sakah. l. k. with broom. 

Deacon. I'm back ag'in with a good tough goad-stick, and a brat 
in it long enough ter pin a feller like ye right up on the wall ter dry. 

{flourishes goad-stick 
Sarah. Yes.au' I've gol my broom. It's an old thing, but it'll 
do ter knock out what lew brains you've got. 

(both advance *>n Simom, brandishing weapons 
Simon, (terrified) Ye?«. yes, I'll go an' when ye catch me in 



A PWKLKD POLL1W0G. 9 

another such pickle, ye can nail my hide up on the end o' the barn 
like a dried skunkskin. (makes for c. e. 

Deacon. Good-bye old gander-legs! Herd's one jab afore ye go, 
jest for luck. 

Dbacon brad* him is he yoe* through door. Saras hits him teith broom 
and drives hat down over hit eyes. Simon lets out howl. 

Simon. Oli, oh! (exit c. B. , yelling 

Sammie. (aside, chuckling and rubbing hands) Flopped when pa 
speared him. jest like any other sucker. 

Deacon,, {comes do ion) There! Sary Jane, that feller won't trouble 
us ag'in right away. He's started for home with three-quarters of 
an inch o' bradhole in his clothes. {leans ox- goad against sink 

Sarah. No, I reckon not. (looksat broom) This broom set-ms all 
right, must have been sulhin' else I beared crack. 

(stands it in corner, l. 

Dolly, (aside) Poor Simon Peter, he can't be feelin' very happy 
'bout now. 

Deacon. Git ter bed as soon as ye cau, Dolly. I've goi ter haul a 
loud o' hoop-poies ter-morrow, an' I want ter start airly. 

Dolly, (uncastly) You all' ma better go now, then. 1 must, stay 
up a while an' iron these clo'es. They're froze stiff oul on the line, 
an' they'll all be snapped ter pieces if 1 don't take 'em in. I won't 
be long. {takes irons from shelf and puts them on stove 

Deacon. All right, I'll turn in. (gets boot jack, pulls off boots and 
puts them under lounge, then hangs up bootjack) Come, Sary Jane. 
Qood-nigbt, Dolly. {exit l. K. 

Sarah. 1 haven't, finished my letter yet, but I guess I'll let it go 
till ter-morrow. Good-uight, Dolly. Don*: set up tew long. 

Dolly. All right, I won't, ma. Good-uight. (exit Sakah, l. e.) 
There; now I'll go our an' get them clo'es— long afore they're ironed, 
pa an' ma'll be fast, asleep an' 1 can show a light for Simon Peter. 
It's cold 'uough to bust eggs 'most anywhere to-night. The poor 
fellow must be sufferin' out there in the dark. 

(takes clothes basket and exit c. E. 

Sammie. (comes forward, grumbling) So I've been sufferin' but 
nobody cares anything 'bout me. I can have my face washed out 
of a two-quart dipper when the mercury has dropped so low the bot- 
tom's knocked out, o' the thermometer, but that's all right. I can 
hump up an' creep in a cold stairway till my stummick feels like 
an icecream freezer, an' it only serves me right, but jest as soon as 
the 'postle Polliwog is out in the dark with the brad tew an' ox-goad 
stuck amongst his vitals, it's cruelty to animals, (goes to stove and 
warms hands) There, that feels better. I s'pose Doll an' her beau'll 
be holdin'a secret session pooty soon, an' I want ter 'tend it. 
Where fan I hide'.' [looks around) 1 guess the best place is under 
the sink, (goes i.. i Hullo! pa's Polliwog spear, (takes up ox-goad) 
I'll take it along, it may come handy. (crawl* under sink from l. 

Enter Dolly, c. e. , with basket of clothes. 

Dolly. My. but it's cold out! I expect Simon Peier'll be so cold I 
might as well be courted by an icicle an' done with it. 

(puis basket in chair by table, takes flat-iron from stove and irons 



10 A PICKLKD P0LL1W0G. 

Sammie. {peeping, aside) If ye make yer mind ler freeze tew him, 
ih e. tew o' ye will be a bysuckle. 

Dolly, (ironing) Simon Peter's a mild, unoffetisive critter. I 
don't see what pa an' ma can have agin him. 

Sammie. A few minutes ago they had a brad an' a broomstick 
agin him. 

Dolly. I wonder if it's safe ter have the poor feller come in yet? 
(goes u and listens— Sammik dfaws back out of sight) I guess 'tis: pa's 
snoriu' awa) like a young thunder-storm, an" ma's always asleep 
when her heat! strikes the piller. I'll give Simon Peter the signal. 
(sets lamp in window, v.) I do hope pa won'twake up an' ketch him 
— he might bust his biler. 

Sammie. {aside, peeping) Or Simon Peter's snoot. 

Dolly. ( lakes iron from stove, puts finger in mouth and tries it ) M e rC) ! 
i his iron's 'most red hoi. I can'l iron with it till it cools off » (puts 
iron in, chair to root, gets another and tries it) That's better, (irons) 
It's time thai feller was here. I'm 'I'm id he's froze stiff out there. 

Sammie. (aside) He was limber enough when thai brad went 
inter him. (rap on c. D. 

Dolly* There lie is. (runs and opens door) Come right in, Simon 
Peter, <*nly pul yer feel down keerl'ul. 

Sammie. (aside) That's so if you don't, pa won't. 

Simon, (putting head to) Where's y^r pa and the goadstick? 

Dolly. Gone ler bed long ago. Come in. 

Simon. ( puts head in a little further) Where's yer ma and the 

broomstick ? 

Dolly. They're gone to bed. too. Come in, I say — it's all right, 
unless ye tumble an' knock somethin' oxer. 

tinier Simon Pktkr, c. e. 

Sammie. (aside) 1 wish pa'd fumble an' kick suihin. 

Dolly. Set right down. Simon Peter. I'm iron in' but ve ran tell 
me anything ye want to while I work. (turns to .stove 

Simon, (sits on hoi fiat-iron in chair) Oh.' (leaps wildly) it's 
hotter'n blazes' (dances about 

Sammie. (aside, laughing) That's right, allers have the heater in 
t he basemenl. 

Dolly, (back to Simon) I'm so glad. I was 'fraid yeW find it ter- 
rible cold. {turns with iron) Why. whal makes ye wiggle so? 

Simon. Wiggle! Great snakes! I got agin that cousarned iron and 
raised a. blister on nie as big as a plug o' terbarker. (dances 

Dolly, (sympathiziuuly) Oh my! let me put some anarchy ou it. 

(takes bottle from shelf 

Simon. No. no. no, I thank ye. It's better now. (wedges bach into 
corner) 1-1 rat her enjoy it. {squirms and makes faces 

Sammie. (aside, peeping) He does have a look of heavenly enjoy- 
ment, t hat's a fact. 

Dolly. All right. I'm glad o( it. ( puts bottle back) What was it 
ye wauled to tell me? (sits 07i end of lounge) Come over here and 
let's talk it over. 

Simon, (comes slowly forward and sits on the other end of lounge) Oh 
Do«ly, I 'most froze ter death out there in the dark. My teeth rattled 
like the loose clapboards on a pigpen in a noreaster. 

(hitches marer Doi.i.t 



A PWKLED POLL I WOO. 11 

Dolly. Ton poor feller! What, made row come to see me on such 
a cold night? 

Simon, (aside) Now's my time ter fire off that nice speech 1 made 
up a-purpose. (to Doi.i.y, kicking nearer) Dolly, my darliu', I love 
ye. If ye would only be mine, the light <>' yer presence would sited 

would shed- {aside) Oh Lordy! I've forgot what comes next. 
(aloud) Would shed — (stops ami scratches head 

Dolly, (sweetly Keep right on with yer pretty talk; Simon Peter, 
1 like it. Never mind the wood-shed. 

Summit, (aside, disgusted) They're gittin' darn soft. 

Simon, (aside) Blast my nice speech! 1 can't remember a word 
of it. (aloud, desperately, liitchiitq still nearer) Dolly, ye can't help 
knowin' I love ye so 1 can.' I see. hear, feel, taste nor smell a single 
thing bid Dolly Ann I hioketly. 

Dolly, (looks down bashfully and puta forefinger in her month) For 
the land sakes, Simon Peier! Ye must feel kind o' queer, (giygle* 

Simon. Well, I guess so! I*m in an awful pickle, but ifye'llonly 
say the word, we'll be married inside of » month, in spite o" the old 
folks. 

Sammie. (aside) Don't be to sartiu, sonny. I'm join' ter take a 
hand in the game pretty soon. 

Simon, (hitching up) Say, Dolly, I feel jes' as if I must lm«r 
sulhin' or bust. (puts arm or, mud her 

Sammie. (aside) Why didn't ye stay at home and hug a sack 
o' shorts? 

Dolly. Oh stop, Simon Peter! 

Simon. Couldn't do it. I forgot my stopper. {hugs her 

Dolly. Oh, behave yourself! Quit it, I say! 

Simon, (recklessly) I'm darned if I do. What do ye want mr ter 
quit it for? (hugs her 

Dolly. Oh, 'cause. I'm 'fraid you'll bust somethin'. I thought 
I heard somethin' snap then. 

Sammie. (aside) Nothin' but the Polliwog snappin' his teeth ter 
keep his courage up. 

Simon. That's nothin', let 'er snap. There's more dresses down 
to the store. {hfig$ her 

Dolly. Behave, I say. Tell me some more pretty things like you 
was when you switched off onto the woodshed. 

Simon, (aside) Oh, yes, my Utile poppin' speech. Let's see, 
where was I? (scratches head 

Sammie. (aside) The fool's forgot his spellin'-lesson. Reckon 
I'd orter inch him up a Mule. (cautiously reaches for him with goad 

Simon. aside) Oh, yes, I know, (aloud) Dolly, darliu', the very 
touch o' your fair while hand is enough ter make me feel like 
(Sammtb brods him in leys Thunder! (makes face, jumps and grabs leg 

Sammie. (aside, laughs) Guess it does by the looks of him. 

Dolly, (lays head on. his shoulder) What funny feelin's I must give 
you! Do you have 'em very often'.' 

(rolls eyes n/> at him bingnishingty 

Simon. You bet T do! (squirms, aside) This old lounge must have 
splinters in it. (feels loan ye) Where was I? Oh yes! (aloud) When- 
ever I behold your sweet face, it seems as if iny swelling heart would 
bust tins confining bosom, (lays hand on breast) unless I have * ■ 
iSammik binds htm) Halleluyer! (jumps and grabs leg 



IS 



A PICK L KB POL LI WO a. 



Dolly, (looks up in Simon's/«c<j) You mustn't want to have a 
halleluytr, dear, it's naughty. (Simon squirms and slyly rubs leg) 
What makes you so uneasy, Simon Peter? 

Simon, (fidgeting) I guess I must be git tin' nervous, (feels leg, 
aside) This darned old lounge has jut fleas in it. (aloud) 1 didn't 
exactly mean a halleluyer, though — I really don't know what made 
me say so. 

Sammie. (aside) I'll show ye in a minute. 

(cautiously reaches out goad 

Simon. 1 was jest goin' ter say yer lovely image tills my whole 
soul. 1 love you better than I do — (Sammik brads him) Christopher 
Columbus! (jumps and grabs leg 

Body, (indignantly, sits up) I should hope so! What doyou want 
to love that (lead old duffer for. (Simon squirms in pain) I wish you 
wouldn't wiggle round so. Sit si ill and go right on with yer pretty 
talk, (notices Simon feeling of injuries) What in the world are you 
hun tin' after? 

Simon, (hastily removes hand) N-nothin' much — it's a habit I 
have. 1 a Hers do that way when I'm real happy. 

Dolly. I'm so glad you're real happy, Simon Peter. 

(lays head on his shoulder again and, rolls eyes up at him 

Simon, (aside) Oh lord, what a pickle! There must be a bumble- 
bee's nest in my trouser-leg. (aloud) Of course I'm happy, my 
l«ve, m \ star 

Sammie. (aside, brads him) Gee star! 

Simon. Ouch! (starts ,i mi grabs at leg. aside) There goes another 
stinger into me. 1 feel jest like a pepperbox kiver. (aloud, as she 
starts up and stare* at. him in Astonishment) No. 1 didn't mean ouch, 
T mean I love ye more than tongue can tell. Dolly, darlin', will ye 
be mine'' 

Dolly. Sari in, Simon Peter, (tries to crawl under his coat-collar) 
Ask me soni'thin' harder. 

Simon, (in ecstasy, throwing both arms around her) You little duck, 
you! Dove actually mean ye will marry (Sammik brads him savagt lp) 
the devil! 

Simon flings Dof.LT off and capers about stage, making faces, both hands 

to back of his trousers. 

Sammie. ( pokes head out) She actually does, if she means u» 



Doily. Why, Sammie Ducketty! You little sarpint! 

Simon, (turns on him angrily So it's you that has been puuchin' 
my pants as full of holes as an oldfashioned cullender! Come out of 
that and I'll give ye soni'thin' that'll do ye good, (makes dire at him 

Sammie. No, thank ye. (draws back out of reach) I reckon it'll 
do i«e good ter stay under here a spell. 

Simon. I reckon ye will come out when 1 git my paws on ye. 

Simon drops on hands and knees and starts tv drawl under sink Sammik 
backs out the other way, reaches across sink with oxgoad and pushes 
watt rp. iil off oh Simon Petku's back, (hen dances about stage laugh- 
ing. 

Sammie. Ye alters Hud Polliwogs in the water. Ha. ha, ha! 

(laughs and claps hands 



A PKJKLhJl) POLLIWOB. U 

Dolly. Oh, you pour dear, you! (rushes to Simon Pktkh's assis- 
tance) You look just like a drowned puppy. Come to the fire and 
let me wring you oui. 

Simon, (crawls out and shakes water oj)') I'll wring the neck of that 
pesky boy -cousarn his pictur! (makes rus?t at Sammik 

Summit. Keep off or it'll he the worse for ye! (threatens him with 
ox-yoad) I've speared lots o' polliwogs in my time. 

Dolly, (rushes at Sammik from other vide, shakes him and boxes hi* 
ear*) Oh, you naughty, wicked boy ! What do you mean bysnzzling 
my Simon Peter and stickin' him all full o' goadsticks? (cuffs him 

Sammie. Oh, let me lone, Doll, ami slop hammerin' my hair- 
orchard! (feeUfaee) All 'postles have ter be baptized, an' that's all 
1 done ter Simon Peter. If ye don't stop, I'll holler for pa, and then 
whai'll become of yer Polliwog? 

Simon, (frightened) That's so, Dolly. Let the little rapscallion 
go afore he gel's me inter a worse pickle than ever. 

Dolly, (angrily) I've a good mind to wallop ye and let you holler 
all you're ;i mind to! (shake* Sammik) The idea o' borin' my beau 
full of bradholes! (shake* 

Sammie. Ye'd onghter be thankful for it, 'cause he'd never 
popped in the world if I hadn't teched him up a little. No matter, 
if ye want me ter holler, 1 can holler. {makes an if to call 

Simon, (in agony of fright) Hold on, Sammie' Hold on! Don't 
holler! Lei him go, Dolly, for pity's sake' Only think of the pickle 
he'll git me into by hollerin' jest once. 

Dolly. But just think how the little sarpint jabbed that brad into 
you. 

Simon, (eagerly) I never minded it a bit, Dolly; in fact I rather 
like the feelin' of a good sharp brad once in a while. 

Dolly, (to Sammik) If I let you off this time, will you be as still 
as a mouse and go right straight up stairs to bed? What? 

(threatens him 

Sammie. (cover* ear* with riands and tries to pull away) Yes, yes! 
I'll do anything if ye'll only stop baugin' my whiskersprouts. 
They're drove in out of sight already, and if they happen ter grow 
that way, I'm 'fraid it'll kill me. (feels face anxiously) But if ye 
want that Polliwog of your'n pickled, as he calls it. jest keep right 
on in yer ungodly career. (prepares to call 

Dolly, (anxiously) No, no, Sammie; don't holler! Go right 
straight up stairs and don't make a bit of noise about it. 

(lets go his shoulder 

Sammie. (goes r. and stops at door) Say, Doll, I did find out how 
they pop. and if my brad had been twice as long, I reckon that 
jumpin'-jack would have popped right out through the roof some of 
them times. 

Dolly. Up stairs with you this instant, or I'll break yer miserable 
little neck! (rushes f&r him 

Sammie. (hastily) I'm a-goin' — (aside) and comin" back ag'in too. 
(to Doi.i.Y) Stay here and help Simon Peter plug up them brad- 
holes, or the smuttificatiou may set in. (Dolly threatens him again) 
I'm a-s»oin', 1 tell ye. (exit it. k. 

Dolly, (/" Simon Pkter, who has stood shivering, groaning and rub- 
bing If gs) You poor, dear critter! How ye must, suffer! Let me 
rub some mutton- taller ou them holes 'fore you get the lockjaw in 



u 



A PICKLKD POLLIWOG. 



'em. {approach?* 

Simon, (barking off" in alarm) No. no! 1 want 'em jest as they are. 
(snatches up pail and covers injured places) Pve been wan tin' a lot of 
holes punched hi me for a good while. 

Doll, (astonished) What for? 

Simon. YYhv -why — ye see the doctor says I've got a stupid liver, 
and there's nothiu' in the world so good for a stupid liver as ter have 
a lot of nice clean bradholes punched in ye. It sorter sets yer blood 
ter cirkelatiu'. 

Dolly. Well, come up to the Hre and dry yourself, anyway; ye'll 
freeze harder than a tariff giant, goiir home, unless you do. Come 
along. (marches him up to Hove 

Simon. (eomplainingly, sets pail on sink ax he goes) Oh, dear! ihis 
is a terrible pickle. 1 b'lieve I've got the ague com in' on. my teeth 
rattle like a hailstorm ou a tin roof, and 1 wobble like a Good Tippler 
when I walk. 

Dolly. You are half froze to death, already, that's what ails you. 
Take off that wet coat and vest and wrap up in my shawl, while I 
dry them. Come, off with 'em. 

Simon. Well, maybe I'd belter. I don't feel much like bavin' a 
sunstroke, that's a fact. (s7iivers) I've seen hotter whither than 
this right in July. 

Simon take* off coat and vest, DOLT.Y gets shawl and wraps him up. then 
hangs coat ami rest on choirs by .stove. 

Dolly, (leads him to lounge) Why. how your boots squash ! They 
must be half full of jvater. Take 'em off and have 'em dried too. 

Doi.i.y gets boot-jack, Simon pulls off boots, Dor.LY sets them behind stove 

and puts away b<>ol-jack. 

Simon. I'm 'most afraid of this 'tarnal old lounge, bin as long as 
that little imp as gone ter bed, I'll risk it. (sits on lounge next tostove) 
It' the Deacon catches me now. I'll be in a worse pickle than ever, 
for I sartainly can't run for home in my shirt-sleeves and stockin'- 
I'eel. 

Dolly, (sits beside him) There! now we can have a nice, sociable 
lime. Let's see, what shall we talk about? 

s/mon. Anything or nothiu'. (Sammik pokes head in k. e.) Oh 
Dolly, I must have one good hug if I die for it the next minute. 

(puts arm around her 

Sammie. (aside) Hope he'll break her in tew —the mean old thing! 

Doily. Take your arm off my belt-ribbon, Simon Peter Polliwog, 
before you make me blush. 

Simon. Oh, blushes be darned! You an' me is engaged and I'm 
goi.ii' to hug ye if I waul. ter. Say, Dolly, do give in*- a kiss. 

Sammie. (aside) The blamed awkward lumuiox'il have his nose 
iii her eye if he tries it. 

Dolly* 1 won't give you a kiss, neither. Git out, Simon Peter 

Polliwog! (giggle 

Simon. Dew lemme kiss ye! It won't hurt a darn mite. 
Dolly. Me kiss a real live male man? Oh, no, I daren't, 

i yiyyles again, 
Sammie. (aside) Should think she would be scared -with a nose 
like a seed covvcuinber jabbiu' at her. 



A PJOKLED &OLLTWOG. 16 

Simon, (eagerly) Why not V Jest one, now! 

Dolly. Oh. I— I'm 'fraicl yer mustac he'll tickle. {qiyglf* 

Samniie. (oxide, disgusted) Oh. mercy! she can't see it when llie 
dew's oft'. 

Simon. Who keers! let 'er tickle, (bends ever to kiss her 

Dully, (suddenly pushes him away, indignantly) Simon Peter Polli- 
WOg, you've been eaiin' onions. 

Stilton, (shamefully) I swauny, 1 clean forgot about it.! but I can't 
help wan! in' ter put one la I herly old smack right on where it b' longs, 
for all that. 

Dolly. Well, ye can't (softening) not till after you pick your teeth 
anyway. 

Siimm. 1 can't do that, 1 hain't got any toothpick. 

Summie. (aside) He needs a. pickake in thai tooth-orchard. 

Dolly, (relenting) Oh. 'most anything'll do. Here, take this. 

(take's hatpin on/ of hat and offers it 

Simon. What's that. a. crowbar'.' Ne-ver nii-ud, fork itovr.r. 

\ftt Acs hat fit n and opens mouth 

Sammie. (aside.) What a hash-trap! Looks like a cellar-door in 
a bulkhead. 

Dolly. Don't drop it. Simon Peter, it's all the hatpin I've got. 

(giggles 

Sarah, heard off i..) Dolly, Dolly.! 

( Dot. i, v and STMON jump up and run aland in consternation 

Simon. Oh, my soul! I'm in a pickle now, if 1 never was afore. 
What shall I dew - .' 

Sammie. (aside) Like any other pickle keep still and look sour. 
'• Sarah, (heard off i„) Dolly. Dolly! tie yon up? 

Simon, {in terror) Answer. Dolly, for heaven's sake! If she 
comes in, I'm undone. 

Sammie. (aside) Might have known belter than ter let Doll undew 
ye! 

Dolly, (faintly) Yes, ma, what is it? 

Sarah, (heard from off l.) What ye settin' up till this time o' 
night for? 

Simon. Tell her it's 'most morn in'. 

Dolly. Oh, I couldn't lie 'bout it— not for the world. 

Simon. I'll make it the truth, then, (runs to clock and sets it 
ahead) There! it's all right now. Tell her, quick! 

Dolly. It's halfpast four by the clock, and pa said he wanted to • 
■tart early. 

Sarah, (heard off i,.) Why, it can't be. 1 haven't been asle«p 
long. 

Dolly. That's what the clock says, but you needn't get up yet. 
I'll see to everything. 

Sarah, (outside) I'd never b'lieved I'd been asleep so long, but 
the clock must be right. Don't forgit to fill the teakettle. 

Dolly. I won't, ma. Go back to bed and have another nap. 

Simon, (draws a Ion a breath) That, was a close shave. I was so 
SCart my heart fairly shinned up my windpipe an' danced a double 
shuttle in the bark o' my month. 

Sanitate, (aside) More likely 'twas them onions a-bilin' up. 

Dolly. It's all right, now -thanks to your settin' the clock ahead. 
(admiringly) What u smart fellow you be, Simon Peter. 



16 A PL CKL HID POLL L WOG. 

Sammie. (aside) You bet he's smart — where pa and I jabbed him. 

Simon, {complacently) Oh, pretty toler'ble. {footsteps heard oat- 
side) Lordy mighty! What's that? {listens) She's a-comin' ! Hid* 
me, Dolly, hide me quick, or I'll be a dead Polliwog in the morniit*. 

Summit, (aside) Oh, glory, here comes ma! 

Dolly. Here! {drags Simon to lounge and turns back spread) Lay 
down on the lounge air I'll put the spread over you. Quick! for if 
pa comes too, he'll punch you full o' brad botes ag'in an' kick you 
out of the house. 

Simon. Yes, yes, I will. Anything ter save my life an' repita- 
tion 

SiMON lays down with hatpin in his hand, and Dolly puts spread 

over him. 

Dolly. There! keep still an" 1 guess ma won't notice anything. 
(smoothes spread and picks finger) Oh! (claps finger in mouth then 
shakes it) You've stuck that pesky hatpin right up through the 
spread. (SiMON moves under spread) Sh .'-don't move for your life! 
Here she is. 

DOLLY kicks boots under stove and throws his coat, cest and hat behind it, 
tlien snatches up flat-iron, rushes to table and irons furiously. 

Enter SARAH, L. K., buttoning dress. 

Sarah. Good-mornin', Dolly. 

Dolly, {nervous) Good-mornin', ma. Tumble hot. ain't it*' 

(irons 

Sarah. Hot? Why, Dolly Ann Ducketty! I'll bet the diameter 
is thirty inches below Ziou this mornin'. (looks at clock) [tsarthily 
is 'most five o'clock, but it was the shortest night I ever see. 1 
should have overslept if I hadn't heard ye racketing 'round. Reckon 
I'd better call yer pa. (goes l. and calls, Dolly wrings ha /ids and 
Sxmmik goes into ecstasy, r., in dumb show) Deacon! Deacon Ducketty ! 

Deacon, (heard off \,. t drowsily) Yes, I hear ye. What is it? 

Sarah, (calls) Wake up, Deacon! it's goin' on five o'clock an' ye 
waul to be gittin' off with that load o' hoop-poles. Come, stir yer 

stumps! 

Deacon, (heard outside) Bless my soul! Strange I didn't wake up 
at four; I 'm«St allers do. I'll be out there in a jiffy. 

Dolly, yaside. wringing hands) Oh dear! No chance to get Simon 
Peter out of here now, an' what will happen if pa discovers him is 
more than 1 can tell. 

Sammie. (aside, overhearing) 1 can — a holy circus, au' don't you 
forg>et it. 

Enter Deacon, L. E., in his stocking-feet and with one suspender hanging 
down, his coat and vest in his hand. 

Deacon. Well, by gum! if last night didn't go quick! It don't 
seem as if I'd more than got ter sleep afore I heard ye caliin' me. 
(buttons. suspenders) I'll go right out an' feed the cattle, an' I waul 
vim folks to have breakfast all ready when 1 come in. (puts on coat 
unit vest) Where's my boots, Dolly ? 

Dally, (faintly) I — I dutino, pa., out in the shed somewhere, ain't 
1 1, e y •> (irons fur io usty 



A PIGKLBD POLLLWOG. 17 

Sarah, Why Dolly Ducketty! what ails ye this mornip'? (to 
D hi A CON) There they be nuclei- the lounge, Deacon. 

Dracon. Oh yes, so they be. [goes to lounge) I put 'em there my- 
self, but l'<l forgot. 

Dolly. Oli heavens! (drops iron and leans forward to watch, wring- 
ing halm's, aside) If he notices anything 1 shan't have a beau to inv 
name ill hal I a in i note. 

Summit, (aside, gttsefuily) And Simon Peler'll be the worst look in' 
apostle that ever was called an' couldn't go. 

Deacon (/fts boots and sits on lounge to pot them on, then leaps up inith a 
pell, goes rapennq around stags and rubs bark of leg. 

Dolly, (waves hand* distractedly) Oh, that wretched hatpin! 

Sammie. (snickering, aside) Pretty spry for an old codger, but it 
bain' i quite the thing for a deacon 10 be dancing the can-can at, 
twelve o'clock at night. 

Deacon. (y> /.liny and capering) Oh, oh! I'm stabbed in the vitals 
with a redhot tightniu' rod. (Simon starts to crawl out from under 
spread) Oh, it's a burglar! Save yerselves while I keep him at bay. 

(hits Simon mth boot and knocks him flat again 

Dolly, {screams) Oh, he's killin'him! He's killin' him! What 
shall I do? (wrings hands and jumps about, knocks down clothes-basket 

Sarah, (screams) Who? The Deacon? Oh heavens: He'll kill 
us tew when he gits yer pa assasse rated. 

(crawls under table and puts the basket over Iter head 

Sammie. (comes forward) I guess pa's all right so far, by the way 
he's beitin' that Polliwog over the head. Jiminy! I'll bet Simon 
Peter's head rattles like a sack o' corncans. [laughs 

Dolly. For heaven's sake slop, pa ' You'll mash his poor head 
softer than ever. (seizss Deacon from behind 

Summit, (catches sight of Sakah) Hullo, ma! What ye dewiu' 
under there with yer best bonuit on? 

Deacon, (struggling) Another burglar! Let, go! Wait till I git 
my gun an' I'll show ye what a deacon is good for when his fight in' 
blood is up. (breaks away and rushes out c. it. 

Dolly, (drags Simon to his feet) Quick! Simon Peter, run! Seoul 
by pa ami skedaddle! He's after the gun! (Simon runs c. 

Enter Deacon c. e. with gun Simon lowers head and bids Deacon in 
the stomach, giin goes off. women scream Simon and the Deacon go 
oxer backward and lie groaning. 

Dolly, (runs to Simon) Oh, oh! pa's blowed the sense all oul of 
him. 

Sammie. No great of a blow cither. {laughs 

Dolly, (try* to raise him) Oh! he's dead! Simon Peter's dead! I'll 
never see the like of him again! (wring* hand* 

Sammie. That's so. he's loo homely for ye ever to Mud his equal. 

Simon, (struggles to feet dated itoui in <f onto head) Tern ble shower, 
hain't it? Anybody killed besides me? 

Sammie. Oh, the darn fool! He thinks the lightning struck him. 
Wonder if pa knows what ails him yet. (yoek to Dexcon 

Dolly. Oh. he's alive' he's alive! He ain't even hurt, only a little 
sJeepy. Wake up, Simon Peter. (throws herseh into his arms 

Simon, (confused) Why, it's Dolly, ain't it? What's the matter, 



18 A PICKL KD POL L I WO G. 

Dolly? 

Doily, {excitedly) Quick! Simon Peter, how's your time to get on 
the right side of pa. If you can make him believe you drove the 
burglar off, he'll think you're a perfect hero. Hurry up! lie's 
com in' too. 

Simon. Dolly Ducketty, you're a jewel, (runs U Deacon and help* 
him sit up — Sammik falU back) Say, Deacon, did the burglar hurt ye 
much ? 

Beacon, {groaning) Oh dear, dear, dear! I dun no. Why, I 
thought I drove you home. Did I shoot that burglar? 

Simon. Not, much! 1 beared the gun go off and run in, and there 
you laid with a almighty great burglar staudin' over yt with a 
butcher-knife in his hand as long as yer arm. 
Sammie. (aside) Oh my, what a thumper! 

Simon. I lit on him like a thousand of brick, and I tell ye we had 
it tough and tight for quite a spell. Finally I pitched him out into 
a snowdrift and he lit out down the road like a streak of goose- 
grease. That's the last you'll ever see of him. 

Sammie. (aside, in rear) Well, by jiminy! I didn't think he could 
lie like that. He's smarter than 1 thought he was. 

Deacon, (gets up) He must have been a desperit one. Why, 
where's yer coat an' vest, Sime? Ye didn't come over without Vm 
ihis kind o' weather, did ye? 

Simon, (looks down, bewildered) No-o, I didn't, (more confidently) 
Ye see, I — I — why, they got tore off in the scrimmage and the burglar 
slung 'em behind the stove. Guess I'll put 'em on again now. 

(pats on coat and vest 
Sammie. (aside, admiringly) Better an' better! Why, he's th« 
gol-darn. lest liar in town! 1 like him lots better'n 1 did afore I 
beared him let hisself out. 

Dolly.' Wasn't Simon Peter a hereto tacklesuch a desperit robber, 
pa? Where'd ye been now if it hadn't been for him? 

Deacon. All cut up and ready teroorn, I reckon. Say, Sime, how 
come yer clothes so wet? 

Simon, (looks at clothes) Wet? I— I— oh, we fit so hard I sweat 
'em all through afore 1 got the best o' him. I 'most melted down 
into a grease spot. (loring* sleeves 

Sammie. (aside) Oh, cracky! he can lie by the yard or mile. 
Deacon. What's become of yer boots? Ye didn't sweat them off, 

did ye? 

Simon. Boots? (loeks at feet) Oh, we slid 'round so lively I snap- 
ped 'em right off my feet and they flew clean in under the stove. 
I'll get 'em. {puts them on 

Sammie. (aside) He's the king of all liars, and I'm his friend for- 
ever— j„ spite of my muchly-banged whisker-patch, (feels face) 
Hope he marries Doll to-morrow, it'll serve her right. 

Deacon. Where on alrth is yer ma, Dolly? Hope the burglar 
didn't steal her. (calls) Sary Jane! {excitedly) Why, where can 

she be? . , 

Sammie. (runs forward and points) There she is, pa, squattin 

under the table like a toad under a cabbage-leaf. 

Deacon, (alarmed) So she is— and her head's cut off, too, or she 

wouldn't have ter hold it in a clothes-basket, Sarv Jane, if there's 

a spark of life in ye, arise an' crawl out o' that. 



A PICKLMD POLLIWOG. 19 

Sarah, (faintly) This must be heaven and I hut's the angel Gabriel 
i-callin' me. {louder) Yes, here 1 be — with m y sins on my head. 

Dolly. No, they hain't neither, ma, nothiu' but a clothes-basket. 

Sarah. Sakes alive! do they have clothes-baskets in heaven? 
That sounded like Dolly's voice—is it possible I hain't dead yet? 

(peeps out 

Dolly. You're all right, ma — only you look like a Chinese god with 
an umbrella on. Come out. 

Sarah. He you sure the robber is gone? 

Simon, (proudly) Yes, ma'am, clean gone. 1 drove him off, I did. 

Simon smells up and puts thumbs in armholes of vest — Sakah drops basket 

and crawls out. 

Summit. Good boy! (aside) It's jest as natural for him to lie as 
it is to jump when there's a brad in him. 

Dolly. Wasn't Sitnon Peter dreadful brave, pa, to keep you and 
ma from beiu' sliced up like bolognas? 

Deacon, Yes, he's done ama/in' well. Simon Peter, I've got a 
big grudge agin ye, but I owe ye suthin' for what ye've done ter- 
nighi, and David Ducketty alters pays his debts. What can I do for 
ye? 

Dolly, (aside to Simon) Now's your Lime! Ask him to let you 
marry me, and maybe he'll say yes. 

Sammie. (aside, overhearing) And get into a worse pickle than 
ever, if he does. 

Simon. All right, Deacon, let me marry Dolly and we'll call it 
square. 

Beacon. Well, if ye hain't got the gall -after what I told ye last 
night, (to Doi.i.y) Dolly, what do ye say to that? 

Dolly. I say yes, thank ye. i puts finger in mouth and simpers 

Deacon. Well, 1 never! (to Sakah) Sary Jane, what do you say? 

Sarah. It don't seem no more'n right, alter he's kept me from 
goin' ter heaven with My head in a clothes-basket but it kind o' 
goes agin the grain after what he's called us. 

Deacon. That's so; I'd clean forgot hissass in this burglar scrape. 
(to Simon) You might have had her and welcome, if it hadn't been 
for the names ye called us; now ye couldn't if ye got down on yer 
marrer-bones and offered her yer heart and hand with a pair of 
tongs. 

St, non. (astonished) What do you mean? I never called ye no 
names and I never will. 

Deacon. Don't lie ter me Didn't ye tell Jim Skinner Dolly's 
father and mother was nothin' only plugs? 

Simon. Great scissors! Did ye think I meant yon and ma 
Ducketty'' We were lalkin' 'bout Jim's little mare Dolly he was 
tryiu' to sell me, and thai I wouldu'l have, 'cause she hadn't any 
pedigree. We never mentioned Dolly Ducketty at all. 

Deacon. Well, by gum! 1 hain't been *o badly fooled since I was 
married. Ye can have my Dolly an' welcome under them circum- 
stances. 

Simon, (jumps around) Hip! hip! hooray J 

Simon hugs Sakah andlears her hair dorm, smacks Deacon on end of 
nose and kisses Doi.i.v half a dozen times. 



SO A PIUKLKD FOLLIWOG. 

Dolly. Behave yourself, Simou Peter! I won't marry ye now if 
ve don't quit pokin' yer nose in my ear. 

Simon. Why, Dolly darlin', if I don't let otf steam somehow, I'll 
saitinly bust. I hain't been engaged but a minute an' a half, but I 
feel like a mornin' star By the time the honeymoon isoverl'II t>H 
like feel like- I declare, 1 don't know what I will feel like. 

Simmie. {eagerly, runs forward) [ do — I know ---A PICKLED 
POLL1WOG. 

CURTAIN. 

TUB KIT©. 

ST A UK ULtt SGTIONS. 

r., means Right; L., Lelt ; u. h.. Right Hand; l. h.. Left Baud; 
0., Center; s. b., (2dE.) Second Entrance; u. k., Upper Entrance; 
M. D., Middle Door. v.. the Plat; v. v., Door in Flat; k. c, Right 
of Center; L. c, Left of Center. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

*** The reader" is supposed to be upon the stage facing the audience. 



The Turn of the Tide; or Wrecked in Port. 

A Nautical and Temperance-drama in 3 acts, by W. Henri 
Wilkins. for 7 male and 1 female characters. Nothing has been so 
popular with amateur companies as this. A capital negro charac. 
ter will keep an audience in roars of laughter. Time of perfor- 
mance, 1 hour and 45 minutes. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

The. fishermu it's home— Reminiscence of the w i-f ck ---The gathering storm — 
Reference to the mone.x -Entrance or' the Pilot -Aunt Becky expresses her 
opinion of him Pepper tells his Story — The sunset gun — The storm breaks— 
Sadie's set-ret — Pepper struck by lightning — Signal of distress on the water — 
Clyde's proposal "I have the power!" — Li'lian's secret — "Why can't i Uie! He 
lias forfeited all claims to honor or respect, ami hopelessly east me off, yet 
notwithstanding all this, 1 love him" — Entrance of Clyde— "Yoil here? Be^on* 
and let your lips be sealed, or Fl'l cut out your quivering heart and throw it to 
the fishes who sport in yon tier deep" -Clyde's soli loquy --" Ah. dipt. St. Morris. 
a fig for your gilded casties built on air" -Pirjttes rol> the house — frisky V com- 
munings — She and Pepper have » little fa.lliug out— Pepper's pursuit of know- 
ledge under the table — Clyde shows his colors and plays his first card- -"The n 
my answsr must be yes, though it breaks the heart <>t" m\ child" The old matt 
tries to drown his sorrow Pepper goes for clams Entrance of Lil lian — "Yes, 
pirate though you are, ami chieftain of the hunted crew, I love yon still! The 
time will come when you will find 1 am the truest friend yon ever had" — Aunt 
Becky relieves herself of a few ideas and Pepper gives her t few more — The old 
fisherman falls a victim to intemperance, ami Aunt Becky expresses her 
opinion of "sich tloins"— Meeting ol Clyde and St. Morris — The combat — Death 
of Clyde — "Oh, Heaven! I am his wife" — Tableau — One year later — Company 
expected — Pepper bass "wer.v euri*" dream -Cant. St. Morris relates a story 
to Susie — Love-trt;ikiug interrupted by the old fisherman -His resolution to re- 
form— Aunt Becky thinks she is "Slurred" — Lillian communes with her own 
thoughts — The Colonel arrives Pepper takes him in charge and relates a won- 
derful whaling story — Restoration ol the stolen money — "The same face, 
Heavens! J cannot be mistaken"— "It's >»M out' The Colonel finds a daughter 
He tells the story of his escape from the wreck — Old friends meei- The 
Colonels proposal and acceptance- " Hi ess de Litwd !"— Happy ending, with 
song and chorus, "Wait for the turn er th« tidb." Price, loots. 



Patsy O'Hare; 

— OR- 

The Shamrocks of Ire- 
land. 



An Irish drama in 4 acts, bij Thos, J. Finnijan, for 9 male 

and 3 female characters, (can be doubled to 8 

male characters.) Time of playing, 1 

hour and 15 minutes, 



SYMOPSrS OF EVENTS. 

ACT T. — Village Inn — Patsy ami Harney — "There's hot times com- 
ing" — Norah — '"What do you mane by (jailing me ould Father 
names" — The organizer of Ribbonmen — Owen and Donald — "Drink 
something for old Ireland" — Patsy daslms liquor in Donald's facte — 
Arranging the meeting — Patsy overheads Owen and Donald plotting 
against Edward — "O! darn that dog, he is taking one toe after 
another" — Norah helps Patsy. 

ACT II. — Home of Edward O'Connor -Edward and his mother 
discuss the Secret Organization — Kathleen's dislike for Donald 
Fiizhugh -He may be a spy— Arrival of Patsy, Johnny. Barney and 
Norah— Johnny sings a song, but with poor success — "Arrah! what- 
iver did we do to be trated like this" — Song bv Kathleen, "Wearing 
of the Green" — Toast, "May the ould divil niver grow fat, that 
carries two faces under one hat" — Tableau — Curtain. 

ACL' 111. — Owen Kane's cabin on Parson's Ridge— The meeting, ;ill 
present but Patsy, Edward elected president —Donald Fitzhugh ad- 
ministers oath to Edward, but is interrupted by a stranger, i\ ho 
denounces him as a liar and a spy — "Stand back! would you strike 
;t minister?" —Curtain. 

Seme //.—Courtroom — Edward charged with treason — The trial - 
False testimony— Father Leary takes the stand — Donald and Owen 
licensed of perjury Confession— Death of Donald Fitzhugh -'"The 
hand of Cod" - Curtain. 

ACT IV.— Home of Edward (>'< on nor— Discussion of the trial— 
hiisy, "Five minutes in jail would be enough for me*'— -Edward and 
Kathleen betrothed Father Leary 's blessing interrupted by Patsy 

"Shureyou might as well kill two birds with one stone! Norah 
and I are going to be married loo" -"God bless you all, and mav 
you always remember, as a friend, your o*wi Father Le;irv"'- 
Happy ending - -Curtain. Price ISctS. 



A NEW PLAY BY LIZZIE MAY ELWYN, AUTHOR OF DOT, 
THE MINER'S DAUGHTER, ENTITLED 



1 Rachel, the Fire Waif .1 

A Drama in 4 acfs, for 7 male and 4 female characters. 
Time of performance, 2 hours. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT T. — Nathan Ellsworth's home— Ray asleep — Alarm of fire — 
Ray and Drusillu — "i am a Fire Waif" — The two papers— Report of 
Eugene Burleigh's death" — Aunt Sophy and Harney get into a row 
— Tabitha packs her valise — Elmer and Ray — Nathan and Barney 
arrive with Harvey Jackson, who has assumed the name of Eugene 
Burleigh, who has been rescued from the tire — Drnsilla recognizes 
},j m — r phe threat of murder— Barney sings "Swate Little Buther 
Cup." 

ACT IT. — Storm — Sophy gives Nathan a piece of her mind — Parson 
Green receives a rough reception — Thunder and lightning — Jackson 
recognizes Parson Green, alias Brock — The threat — Brock relates a 
little story — The plot to murder Elmer Ellsworth and Eugene 
Burleigh Barney and Tabitha — Storm continues -Elmer starts for 
the Lighthouse— Jackson and Kay — The wrecked ship — Ray im- 
plores Jackson to go to Elmer's rescue, which he refuses — "Coward, 
I will save him"— Elmer, Ray and Eugene Burleigh— Eugene dis- 
guised as Capt. Brown — Drusilla recognizes his voice — Tabitha's 
oath. 

ACT TIT. — The forged check — Drusilla again becomes a wanderer 

— Eugene discovers her note to Ray — Abduction of Eugene Burleigh 

— Barney is an eye witness— Jackson accuses Elmer of forging the 
check and helps him to .escape — A lost letter — Tabitha, Barney 
and the flour barrel — Jackson I ells Ray about the check — "I never 
will believe him guilty" — A three month's promise — Nathan and 
Sophy — "It's my opinion it's a put up job" — Barney's pledge. 

ACT IV. — Ray as the wife of Jackson — The abuse — Jackson and 
Brock — "I'll be even \\ ith you" — "Your doom is sealed" — Nathan, 
Sophy and Elmer in search of Ray— The lost letter turns up, 
which unravels the mystery of Drusilla— Eugene Burleigh gives a 
history of the past, which clears Drusilla of the crimen!' murder and 
reveals to Ray that Drusilla is her sister— The explosion, in which 
Jackson is killed— The house enveloped in flames— Firemen rescue 
the party. 

PRICE 25 CENTS. 



THE 



MECHANIC'S*^ 



REPRIEVE, 



A Drama in 5 acts, by John M. Murphy, for 8 male and 

3 Jemale characters. Time of playing I 

hoar and 50 minutes. 



PRICE 15 CENTS PER COPY. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT T. — Colonel Harrington informs his daughter Mary, of Lester 
Wilson's intended visit — Dan Trogan and the horses— John Rogers, 
the mechanic — His proposal accepted by Mary — "If a body kiss a 
body" — Annie and Mary— E. Z. Walker, as a tramp, appears— Annie 
interested in the tramp — "Me heart is broke and me back is in the 
same yard," says Dan— Colonel gives his consent for Wilson to ad- 
dress Mary — Mary and Wilson, the proposal rejected — "He's nothing 
but a mechanic"— A plot to ruin John Rogers — The stolen money 
and murder of Colonel Harrington — John accused of murder, by 
Wilson-Mary's faith in her lover — Arrest of Rogers. 

ACT LI. — The tramp returns, meets Annie and Dan — Annie tells 
Walker of the murder and the conviction of Rogers — "He hangs to- 
day" —"lean and will save him" — Mary intercedes with the Governor 
for a reprieve— The reprieve granted— "A ride for a life"— Walker 
tells the Governor that he murdered Col. Harrington, in order to save 
Rogers — Arrest of Walker, when Louise, Wilson's wife arrives, and 
swears she saw Lester Wilson murder the Colonel — Wilson and Dan, 
the bribe rejected — Rogers in prison — Wilson visits Rogers— The 
insult— Arrival of Mary with the reprieve— "Saved, John saved." 

ACT HI. — A lapse of one year — Home of John and Mary Rogers- 
Walker and Annie as lovers — News of Lester Wilson's escape from 
prison— Mary's forbodings— Lester Wilson's attempt to kill John 
Rogers, but is foiled by Louise— Dan arrests Lester— "Lester Wilson, 
you have wronged me deeply, but I forgive you" — "Come friends, 
let us go in, night's shadows are closing around us. Its gloomy 
shades are too suggestive of the past, and around the cheery tire- 
place I can see the faces of the friends, whose love for me was my 
salvation, in the dark days before I was Reprieved. 



LATEST COMEDY DRAMA, 

<r-^ .»**tSSefcsj s)-a 



Unele Jed's Fidelity; 



OR- 



The Returned Cowboy. 



.4 Comedy Drama, by Bert C. Rawley, for 7 male and 3 

female characters. Costumes modern. Time 

oj playing, 2 hours. 



SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

Mr. "Western, a strong willed man, objects to his daughter marry- 
ing a poor but honest man, and resolves she shall marry his friend, 
Donald Reeves, a rich man — Isabel refuses— Uncle .led arrives Irwin 
the country and intercedes for Isabel, but Mr. Western refuses to 
believe Donald Reeve a villain — Donald Reeve's forsaken wife ar- 
rives and forbids Donald's attention to Isabel — Peregrine Splatter 
overhears Donald threaten his wife, and becomes his partner for the 
purpose of bringing him to justice — Col. Western drives Isabel from 
his house— She returns with Uncle Jed to his country home — Donald 
Reeves murders his wife and throws the guilt on Isabel's lover, Robert 
Shelden — His arrest and imprisonment — Robert escapes and at last 
brings proof that Donald Reeves is the murderer — Donald arrested. 
Uncle Jed, Jasper, the negro, Polly and Peregrine Splatter make up 
the comedy parts — This is a play in which all the characters are 
evenly balanced. Amateurs will find it a good one. Price 15 cts. 



The Obstinate Family. 

A farce in 1 act, for 3 male and 3 female character?. 
Scene, plain^^^n. Everyday costumes. Time, 40 minutes. 
A lover's quarrel between two servnn^grows by a very 
natural pi'ocesS^j^gggtg g. tli^ lWi^^fo^Xii9 rnes ^ c cyclone 
of vast proportions. Tip^Jreice is a mere^B^e but a very 
entertaining one. >copy n?« ffoi<CBi^l5~>oents. 

DEC H J909 




;K 






LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 






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